Short Stories Erotic short stories Kiss 'n' Break Up Latest Comments
Written by half penny
hey
wow. this spoke to me, on many levels. i feel the same alot of the times. this certain strain that's constant about what to d
Written by razor
i honestly...
want your views on this. i`ve only been in med school for a week and already the work is making me feel as though i want some
Written by intention
hey Ina
thanks for reading and commenting...i figure i'll be one those guys who writes poetry after breakups. :)
Written by hebe
df
it's not [url=http://www.luxury-jewelrys.com]fashion jewelry[/url] all physical and it's not all spiritual, but just trying
Written by hebe
yes
you [url=http://watchshopstore.com]omega seamaster[/url] could reassure the person that i'm not saying it to flatter
Written by hebe
ok
an angel [url=http://www.womenstore2.com]gucci handbags[/url] kissed my tears away today [url=http://www.womenstore2.
Written by half penny
wow!
i loved this. not only does it serve the purpose that you set out to give it, but could be also seen as an explanation/explor
Written by Dark Peace
......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and another thing, what happened to the image i submitted? all i see is the word image! baaaaahhg!! :sigh
Written by Dark Peace
BROKEN FORMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
author's note: i apologize for the bad formatting. it's not how i intended it to look!!! webmaster really needs to fix this.
Written by half penny
Ah you're back
i'm glad i see you writing like, you'd do it all again. i love that line. i also like how you compared a relationship with a
Written by Thunder
Comment
i picture a person growing old and having alzheimers with this write. i can feel the sadness and empathy for this person yo
Written by ammo323
=]
it was really short but i liked.. how it was put together especially 'you were never a monster don't pretend to be' that
Written by half penny
comment
i like this. it's got a tone of responsibility along with nostalgia and of course, the long for love. that's cool, keep writi
Written by ammo323
Ooops.
i didn't realize what the intro meant.. that's why it's repeated.. hah..
Written by Fish
hm..
if this was intentional, i like it! not to sound pretentiously artsy or anything, but it conveys a feeling of emptiness and n
Written by Fish
nice!
i was pleasantly surprised! it was good! i really like your style of guitar playing.
Written by bloodmagician
...
to view the harmony of life and stand still. to love thy self and know thy will. then place yourself, forev
Written by stabby
thanks 4 the comment
fiction?no i only wish it was.
Written by razor
Scary
but very expressive. i really get drawn into your poems, but your latest is so long!! i`ll read that when i`m not looking for
Written by razor
hmmm
sounds like a bad crash. i feel a little sad when i read this and i honestly don`t know what to say. sometimes i feel to give
| Kiss 'n' Break Up |
|
|
|
This was an assignment I got in an English class some time ago, where I had to continue a short story by Brett Ellis called The Beach. My version is inspired by a personal break up. As I walk towards the house, I feel the grains of sand climbing up between my bare toes. Always, have I hated the feeling of it. Always, have I hated everything about this beach, this sunny hospice. I pace down, ponder, turn around and head towards her again.Look at that thing, that pale white creature lying on the beach, a myopic person could easily mistake her for a stranded corpse... If only there were some way I could coax the demons out of her, pull her on her feet, and make her smile again. I stop at her feet, she's got her shades on, but I still see her eyes, they are closed. I feel compelled to make an effort to find the feelings, that I maybe once had for her. I drop on my knees just to let her know that I am here, I sense the shock I give her as I bump down onto the sand, her eyes open. “Oh, it’s you! I thought you went back to the house,” she sighs. My mouth doesn’t open, I just look at her. I pull my body down next to her, my head on her shoulder and my lips breathing an inch from that neck, which I have kissed a billion times. I put my left arm across her and let my hand caress her side. I try to feel… but I sense nothing, and neither does her body. This numb skeleton feels nothing… Through this racing chaos of thoughts, I notice a teardrop fighting its way out of my right eye corner, I will not stop it, I let it fall onto her albino skin. Her shoulder cringe, and suddenly a hand falls over my head and caresses me. “What’s the matter?” I say nothing but let my lips kiss her neck, I try to feel, just one more time. She lets me wet her dried out lips, I feel her tongue struggling with mine. There’s a sign of weak excitement coming out of her, her right hand crawls below my shorts and I feel the blood gathering. Still my head is near bursting with thoughts screaming, “FEEL!” But as quickly as the blood centred, it finds other veins to run into and I sigh impotent. I pull away with her eyes questioning me, and again she silently mutters. “What’s the matter, dear?” … Dear? I get on my feet. The closure is set. Kiss and break up. I’m better off without you tearing the will I don’t have, down. I walk away…
               Last update: 09-02-2008 10:24
|
(1 vote)
You were able to paint an emotional and visual picture for me with this and I think overall this is written quite well. 
mXcomment 1.0.5 © 2007-2010 - visualclinic.fr
License Creative Commons - Some rights reserved
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
Login
New Members
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
