Short Stories Fable short stories The BIG lie Latest Comments
Written by half penny
hey
wow. this spoke to me, on many levels. i feel the same alot of the times. this certain strain that's constant about what to d
Written by razor
i honestly...
want your views on this. i`ve only been in med school for a week and already the work is making me feel as though i want some
Written by intention
hey Ina
thanks for reading and commenting...i figure i'll be one those guys who writes poetry after breakups. :)
Written by hebe
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Written by hebe
yes
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Written by hebe
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Written by half penny
wow!
i loved this. not only does it serve the purpose that you set out to give it, but could be also seen as an explanation/explor
Written by Dark Peace
......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and another thing, what happened to the image i submitted? all i see is the word image! baaaaahhg!! :sigh
Written by Dark Peace
BROKEN FORMAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
author's note: i apologize for the bad formatting. it's not how i intended it to look!!! webmaster really needs to fix this.
Written by half penny
Ah you're back
i'm glad i see you writing like, you'd do it all again. i love that line. i also like how you compared a relationship with a
Written by Thunder
Comment
i picture a person growing old and having alzheimers with this write. i can feel the sadness and empathy for this person yo
Written by ammo323
=]
it was really short but i liked.. how it was put together especially 'you were never a monster don't pretend to be' that
Written by half penny
comment
i like this. it's got a tone of responsibility along with nostalgia and of course, the long for love. that's cool, keep writi
Written by ammo323
Ooops.
i didn't realize what the intro meant.. that's why it's repeated.. hah..
Written by Fish
hm..
if this was intentional, i like it! not to sound pretentiously artsy or anything, but it conveys a feeling of emptiness and n
Written by Fish
nice!
i was pleasantly surprised! it was good! i really like your style of guitar playing.
Written by bloodmagician
...
to view the harmony of life and stand still. to love thy self and know thy will. then place yourself, forev
Written by stabby
thanks 4 the comment
fiction?no i only wish it was.
Written by razor
Scary
but very expressive. i really get drawn into your poems, but your latest is so long!! i`ll read that when i`m not looking for
Written by razor
hmmm
sounds like a bad crash. i feel a little sad when i read this and i honestly don`t know what to say. sometimes i feel to give
| The BIG lie |
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The BIG Lie! was to myself. I have spent 15 years nurturing a relationship, only to find out that the biggest liar was not him, it was me! Fully optimistic that I could CHANGE him. But now, as I look at the downfall of the marriage, I place much of the blame on me. I should have realized at 30 years of age and one bad marriage that I was the problem and not him. I should not have wanted to CHANGE him into someone that I wanted and needed. That is a tough order for any one person to live up to. He drank when I met him, he smoked when I met him, he was not a good father to his daughter when I met him. Why would he change for me? In my mind, I thought it was because I would be that one person in his life that he would love and adore so much that I was the one worthy of him making the change from high school party boy to church going husband that was the model poster father for all men around. What a mistake I had made! I should not have picked a mate that I had to change. I should have been picking a mate that could grow with me and wanted the same things out of life that I did. I took a man that let me take care of his matters and made him into a child for me to take care of. I cooked for him, cleaned for him, pushed and pushed him to excel at his work because I wanted him to be a husband I could be proud of. Ahhhh to admit one's mistakes is hard at this point. I was becoming his mother and not his wife. BUT, he let me take the lead, it was just easier to deal with me taking control than to put his foot down and tell me what he was really thinking. In essence what happened was that when he reached the point where he thought I could be happiest (the house with the fenced in yard with the 5 acres and the 2 car garage with all the room in the world for out 2 children to play), that he tore it all down with one stupid act. (Drinking and smoking pot and getting a positive drug test and not telling me when it happened.) I took it to mean that I could not trust him any more because he in essence LIED to me. It wasn't that he lied, it was that he withheld the truth because he didn't have enough trust in me that I would stand beside him. MY DREAMS had all been a washout from that point and HE was to blame! I have contemplated why he would do such a thing and the only thing that I come up with was because it really wasn't want HE wanted and I never took the time to actually listen to what HE wanted, it was all about ME. For many months I was angry because I thought he destroyed my world but in essence I believe he was protecting his own. The more and more I would push and the more and more I molded him into what I wanted him and our life to be, the more and more he lost of himself. An old friend of his from high school contacted him, and I must make mention that this friend was single and was going through a divorce. I found it rather odd that in our 15 years together, she never called our house before (or had not called that I had knew of). I have always taken the belief that God does not give us more than what we can handle and I always thought that God had a great sense of humor but this, well throwing this into the equation was just testing my faith and showing me his grand sense of humor. Again, it was about ME and not about HIM. I failed to recognize that even though he was not the church goer that I always thought he should be, that God was sending someone into HIS life that he needed at that moment in time. A person he could talk to without being ridiculed and someone that needed him in their life as much as he needed them. Self evaluation and seeing things clearly is hard to accept when you feel like you are in competition with another. So then the mistrust really kicks in because again, my feelings were the only ones that mattered. How can you open up to her and talk to her for hours when you can't even talk to me about the kids and what is going on with them. You are interested in her life and what her daughter is doing, not because you asked, but because she offered the information in your DRUNKEN talks with each other. I pushed and pushed and finally, couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the children and fled this miserable mess that I helped to create. Amazingly, I still felt as though this whole mess was HIS fault. I felt like I had been lied to, cheated on and I took every opportunity that I could to rub the "friend" in his face and push him closer and closer to her thinking that he would either go or cut it off completely because again, I deserved to be that woman that he cherished and adored and could talk to openly and honestly. (Bet you can see where I am going with this!) Why would this man EVER tell me the truth again? He was fearful of me taking his phone away, because it was under me, so she helped him to get a phone, she listened to him and helped him probably stay sane. I should be thanking her for that but instead, I have nothing but resentment for her. Everyone needs to come to a point in their live when they can face someone and say I am sorry and I forgive you for the pain you caused me. The funny thing is, I keep telling myself I can't forgive him for what he has done... Yup, still thinking he is the one that was the downfall to everything, maybe what I should be doing is looking into the mirror and saying.. "Hey lady... I forgive you for the mess you created." I still have anger built up inside of me and I listened to a sermon at church about forgiveness and actually told a parishioner that I was not ready to forgive. When analyzing the situation as an outside person, I wonder if I will ever be ready to admit the fault and be ready to forgive myself. But I will save that for another day. It is very therapeutic to write things and analyze things from a different perspective. Does it change how I think..... probably not because I feel like I am still a victim, but it does help me to realize that he and I are never going to be able to live together as husband and wife. I do want him to move on and be happy, just like I will need to move on and be happy. I am sure he will not like what I do and I will not like what he does, but we still need to have the respect for each other that each is due. I can't have the attitude that I don't want him and that no one else can have him, and he likewise should not have the attitude that I don't want anyone else to have her either. In further analyzing the "marriage" that we have. Love can flourish or it can be destructive. At the point both of us is at, love is destructive. The lies build up and eventually are caught. While all counselors tell you that you should not care what is going on with the other, the fact of the matter is, no matter how hard you try, curiosity gets the best of you. Not only does curiosity kill the cat, it kills any type of normal thought you would have. It makes you look for the lies and deceit. When you are hurt and facing a future of the "unknown" and you no longer have the stability and security you were accustomed to, it makes your emotions bounce back and forth from what choice you have made and if in fact it was the right choice, the proverbial "second guessing" that happens. Society teaches us that primarily divorces are nasty and that someone is at fault. I believe he and I have fallen into that trap. As we are both on 2nd marriages, I know I feel that I am a "failure" and no one likes to feel that way. I can see how I "controlled" him to some extent, and I also see how he rebelled to the other extent. He has been up to see his friend that has provided him comfort and security. I too have been out on dates and am realizing more and more what role I should have in a relationship and what role I should not have. Hopefully I can take away from this writing what I need to and hopefully he is able to move on and be happy as well.                Last update: 08-03-2010 12:46
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